[it's almost embarrassing how he trips over himself to provide for that want, despite being mostly known for his extended grudges. at least the past thirty years of motivational "get over Serpine" talks are finally serving a purpose.]
...I'm admittedly not the best at it, myself. Ghastly would say it's about letting go of resentment. While... still acknowledging the pain. I only know it's easier to do when you can trust the other party not to repeat their transgressions.
... I knew you wouldn't let it happen. That even if she had meant what she said, and tried to do it, you would prevent the worst of it. And that made it... safe, I suppose. To spare her.
[he takes a step toward him. not a very big one, but it's closer.]
[a long pause. his eyes lose a bit of their focus.]
... I had thought I'd never feel that sort of fear ever again. Everything I've ever done... It could all end with just a word. [a short laugh] And I thought I could be a god. Really! Idiot...
[he could joke. play it off, play it down, try to take the focus off the failure staring them in the face. but Darcy's texts and subsequent conversation have exhausted him of his humor.
nothing, however, can take away the unforgiving optimism that seems to be dragging him along these days.]
...The fact that you still feel fear means you have something worth fighting for. Maybe deification isn't the answer, but that isn't the only avenue to pursue. And this time, when you're looking for answers, there are people who are willing to help you find them.
[not only him. he's heard more sympathetic voices than he'd expected beyond Darcy and Ava.]
[he doesn't move, doesn't so much as budge against the weight suddenly against him. he embraces him without a second thought, desperate to pull him close while all too aware of how quickly he might dissolve into shadow and disappear.]
[80/20 split between amusement and anger at that, but it isn't his anger.]
It wasn't an issue with gauntlets. But as more pieces show up, the more it's going to feed. [boy he is glad he threw that shit into the ocean before the ghosts...] And the power it gains goes straight to... [tap-tap-taps his fingers in a mock drumroll] You guessed it. The very scary, evil alter ego. Who will not be as enjoyable a passenger as I've been.
[it's a pretty confident guess, given the seething bile stuck to the interior of his skull.]
Can you even imagine the number of "Big Bads" I've broken over the years. [he pulls back slightly, but only so he can properly grin up at him.] As impressive as you find yourself, I highly doubt he'll be the exception. I'll take whatever meager enjoyment he'll provide, and then I'll get you back. Simple enough.
[for someone that is in the middle of an extended mental breakdown, he sounds rather confident about it.]
I'm sure we can come up with some sort of list. [or steal Max's he has good taste.]
... I don't have many talents, but this does happen to fall into the category of things I'm good at. Don't stress yourself into dredging him up sooner.
Your confidence is reassuring. And the idea of you crushing Vile under your heel does sound... appealing. [he chuckles.] I suppose I can find something else to keep my mind off of it.
I'm not as good at that, but I can certainly try...
[a pause. his expression goes neutral.]
... By the way. Tell your ward that, while I hate to encourage her terrible Catholic guilt addiction, the specific absolution she's looking for would be found with Friday. I was cut off, as she's very well aware.
Please, let me have this. [definitely not going to piss off the evil cat living in his head by fantasizing about the Captain murdering him in fun creative ways...]
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he lets out a long exhale, but keeps his arms crossed.]
... Well. That's. Salvageable. I suppose.
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[that's all he ever seems to do. take blame, acknowledge it, move on. it doesn't feel like enough, here, but not much does.]
I am truly sorry for my own thoughtlessness.
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I've never forgiven anyone before. I wouldn't know how.
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Any advice I give you is going to seem self-serving. All I can say is that it doesn't necessarily happen easily. Or quickly. [sometimes not at all.]
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I want to, though.
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...I'm admittedly not the best at it, myself. Ghastly would say it's about letting go of resentment. While... still acknowledging the pain. I only know it's easier to do when you can trust the other party not to repeat their transgressions.
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[he takes a step toward him. not a very big one, but it's closer.]
Is that trust? It sounds enough like it.
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I think so. [...] And no, I wouldn't. None of them are going to control you as long as I have any say in the matter.
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... I had thought I'd never feel that sort of fear ever again. Everything I've ever done... It could all end with just a word. [a short laugh] And I thought I could be a god. Really! Idiot...
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nothing, however, can take away the unforgiving optimism that seems to be dragging him along these days.]
...The fact that you still feel fear means you have something worth fighting for. Maybe deification isn't the answer, but that isn't the only avenue to pursue. And this time, when you're looking for answers, there are people who are willing to help you find them.
[not only him. he's heard more sympathetic voices than he'd expected beyond Darcy and Ava.]
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and then, wordlessly, he steps forward until they collide, gripping tight at the front of his shirt and leaning his head against him.]
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I don't deserve this at all. And yet, it's happening anyway. Isn't that just how life is.
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Life is best lived unpredictably. It's more fun that way.
[the thumb pauses, then begins again.]
...I need to tell you about the armor I've been receiving, if you don't know about it already.
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Yes, yes, something to do with your very scary alter ego... Continues to not be a problem...
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It wasn't an issue with gauntlets. But as more pieces show up, the more it's going to feed. [boy he is glad he threw that shit into the ocean before the ghosts...] And the power it gains goes straight to... [tap-tap-taps his fingers in a mock drumroll] You guessed it. The very scary, evil alter ego. Who will not be as enjoyable a passenger as I've been.
[it's a pretty confident guess, given the seething bile stuck to the interior of his skull.]
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[for someone that is in the middle of an extended mental breakdown, he sounds rather confident about it.]
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You do make it sound simple.
[...]
Please don't let him kill the passengers.
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...We'll have to negotiate on the definition of annoying.
[which is probably going to be a whole other argument... but not one he wants to get into right now.]
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... I don't have many talents, but this does happen to fall into the category of things I'm good at. Don't stress yourself into dredging him up sooner.
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Your confidence is reassuring. And the idea of you crushing Vile under your heel does sound... appealing. [he chuckles.] I suppose I can find something else to keep my mind off of it.
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[a pause. his expression goes neutral.]
... By the way. Tell your ward that, while I hate to encourage her terrible Catholic guilt addiction, the specific absolution she's looking for would be found with Friday. I was cut off, as she's very well aware.
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...Hmm. What did she ask?
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[he says, as he slips Darcy's note over to him.]
Read it later. It's a bit of a mood-killer.
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