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THE CAPTAIN:


unless he likes you then it's more like

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PIRATE JENNY GUABANCEX JENNY:

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[sictransitgloriamundi]

[he blinks slowly, looking up at him. leans his cheek on his palm.]

I could torture you until even thinking about that causes you blind panic. I'd quite like that.

[ninetoes]

I’m sure you would, but you wont. You can’t, and we both know it.

[He smiles. It’s smug. Tight.]

I’ll tell you what, you work hard and behave maybe I’ll teach you a thing or two about being a real captain. We don’t have to be at odds, you n’ me. Think of it as an-

[Flouncy little hand gesture. He thinks he’s so slick.]

-opportunity. You ever keelhaul someone? Made them run the gauntlet?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

You have a very small mind, Israel Hands.

[a slow smile]

Is physical harm all you can think up when I mention torture? How disappointing... You really think my not being able to kill you is protection, don't you. They generally do. Until the end.

[ninetoes]

Mm. Sounds like a you problem if this keeps happening. I’ve stuck my neck out for you, you know. Defending your right to live, running your errands on foreign soil, I could have died on that mission but I did it for you. And here you are repeating the same threats, can you even sail? Actually sail?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Does it now. Does it, really.

[he stands in one fluid motion, dusting off his pants and stepping away slightly. Izzy may not even notice that anything has changed at first, until he attempts to move more than an inch in any direction, and finds that he cannot.]

You see, what spared Darcy when she tried this was my general awareness that if any harm came to her, Skulduggery would be... upset, for whatever strange reason. Now, that doesn't actually apply to you. And yet, here I am, in my infinite mercy, giving you one, single, chance. To shut the fuck up.

[he smiles, all teeth.]

If anyone even noticed that you were gone, how hard would they look for you before deciding you had simply given up the ghost. Because I doubt it would be enough for them to find where I will put you.

[ninetoes]

[Its not that dissimilar to many, many threats he’s weathered. Weird, yeah, because magic is fucking horrible stuff that he is intensely jealous of, and weirder still because he literally didn’t come here to goad the Captain for anything and isn’t exactly sure why this is happening, but. Here we are.

Panic, by instinct, flares it’s ugly head and Izzy’s heart beats like a rabbit’s. Stuck crouching, he can do little more than raise his eyes and answer the smile with his own.

A life at sea teaches you to pick your battles. Stay down when you need to, he knows that. Edward isn’t here to protect him, but Edward wouldn’t be able to do a fucking thing even if he were.

So, good questions. Would anyone notice or look for him? The Dioscuri most certainly. Maybe Ava, he would hope Darcy. He owes Jenny a report on his efforts for her brothers so maybe her, too.

Answering that is just cause to find out first hand. He’d rather not.

Stay down, Izzy.

It’s a blade to his pride, but he does. Breathes hard through his nose and looks away.

Point made. Silence. For a beat.]

It was a genuine offer, you know. I am disgustingly under utilised, here.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Poor baby.

[... but, Izzy will find that he is now fully able to move.]

You can hardly expect someone to listen to offers while being threatened. [pause] Well, someone other than yourself.

[ninetoes]

[YYeah well dealing with you is very stressful actually! Izzy unclenches and pulls himself back up to stand, rolling his shoulders and then his eyes because wow. You are. Just. Such a piece of work.

Really does remind him of Edward a lot.. It's starling just how much that hurts now he's gone. Shredded into the nothing or...whatever. Wherever they go. Things were bad, things were really, really bad, but Ed was still his matelot and now he's gone. Maybe that's his fault, too.]

What would you prefer, poetry? A shanty?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[he crosses his arms.]

Words suffice, as long as they don't cover a knife to my throat.

[head cocks slightly]

There are many words that describe me, but I've never considered "unreasonable" to be one of them. Perhaps you'd like to start again, with this second chance you've been given.

[ninetoes]

[Izzy gives a tight smile. On anyone else it would be sweeping gratitude and relief.]

Mm. Well I meant what I said, I am woefully underutilized, here. But. I came here to ask you about what happened in Tauva.

[Only now, tangentially, related to the Contract Thing.]

I was looking for a soul and you lead me to a...spectral cat. [Yes he sounds super cool saying that out loud, look at him go.] Was that your intention, and is the world it hails from also of your magic?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I'll admit I had wondered which one you'd end up at... [like, he'd been hoping for the funniest option, so. good day for him.] You must not have woken him up properly. Guatauva is the milder of them... which, of course, is a bit like being the most comfortable bed of spikes.

[ninetoes]

Is there another kind of bed?

[Real question. Anyway,]

I ordered him from the barkeep. Got the cat instead. You clearly don't mind their release or you wouldn't have lead me to them, n' everything for a price. Bearing your gracious hospitality in mind, is it a sacrifice you want.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[. . .]

You didn't get the cat "instead." You "ordered" the cat.

[ninetoes]

...the cat. Guatauva's the cat.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Yeah.

[like. duh.]

[ninetoes]

What the fuck-

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I apologize for wrongfully assuming that you could figure out that gods aren't limited to human forms. I'll keep your myopia in mind during future conversations.

[ninetoes]

[God you are the worst. (Don’t bully him, he’ll cum!!)]

Yeah because I know so fucking much about gods. Shall we have a slumber party and gossip about them all night. Braid each other’s hair and share secrets.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Has anyone ever told you how concerning your projection habit is, or is that something they just keep to themselves.

[ninetoes]

My what? No, shut up.

Has anyone ever told you how invasive you are?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Yes.

[...]

[ninetoes]

Ngh.

[Switching gears]

The Serena Eterna, did you make this ship or did you capture it?

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I constructed this entire realm.

[ninetoes]

Except the bits you send us to on your behalf. What was that, then.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[a pause. he frowns.]

I don't know. Or, possibly, I don't remember.