[He swats at Stede, which is the best way to get rid of hallucinations as far as he's found --]
Oh.
[Oh, this is even worse than with Valkyrie. At least with her, she had been saving him from the eldritch creatures responsible for his current unsteadiness. It had been a whole dramatic thing. This -- this is just... embarrassing.
And then, the wink.]
.....OH.
[Oh my God. Are you joking. Is that why Stede thought -- and that's why he said all of that???]
...NNnnnno. We haven't. I'll... let you know if he pops out.
Right. [definite moment of passion then. Or one on the cusp of it. He's not sure how they manage to kiss without one of them having lips, but he's too polite to stick around find out.
He'll just ask Skulduggery about it later]
Well, you gentleman have a nice rest of your day.
[if you know what he means. Then with a pat to Skulduggery's arm he is on his way back down the deck]
Please, I think I could become an actual god and still not be able to fathom the comings and goings of Stede Bonnet.
[... wait.]
Oh, you meant... Yes, mostly. In a general sense. [like idk someone who read a wiki page or something.] I generally only tell people their future timelines when I'm quite upset with them.
[This is just... so much information. He's desperately clawing for more because if he stops asking questions, he'll fall into a bottomless pit of despair.]
You could have warned me about what the other side of that portal was going to be like.
[Ahhhh, damn, too late. He's already in the pit of despair.]
I wouldn't have ignored you. I knew what was waiting for me, or I had an idea of it. If you'd told me, I would've...
[Would have what?
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No. You're right. Of course. [He nods, shoving his hands back in his pockets.] Even if I had taken it to heart, it wouldn't have affected anything in the timeline. I didn't remember anything that happened here. Thankfully. Can you imagine, me conjuring you up to keep me comforted during the non-stop torture? That would have been embarrassing.
Not that they would have needed them. [Still, it would have been better than the brutal things his friends would say. Better than Valkyrie screaming for him when his own voice gave out, that's for sure. Some flippancy and disregard for the gods that had him in perpetual agony would have done a lot for his mental health. Probably. (Not really!)]
...What now? I can't trust -- hmmm. Damn it. [He taps the captain's knee with his foot. Good, still actually there.] I can't possibly trust you not to take advantage of this new state of mine. [He fully expects to feel more spectral eyes on him in the coming days, enough to trigger another paranoid fit. That's to say nothing of the captain's ability to shapeshift and remain largely undetected. None of that is ideal, to say the least.]
[Alright. That's fine. No different from Serpine, in the end. And Serpine, bless his heart, had only been Skulduggery's first brush with torture and madness. The Faceless Ones were much better teachers. Serpine had thought he'd found Skulduggery's limits, but no -- it was the gods that did that. And the captain is no god.]
Well. It will be too bad for you when I finally succumb to the madness. Not many people here seem interested in helping with your research, while I have found myself chastised twice for obsessing over you. [He mirrors the "what can you do" attitude in his voice; he's clearly more resigned to the situation than he is trying to make an appeal on his behalf. In the end, nobody can tell the captain what to do. ...Right?]
Ah, well. Can't be controlled, as we've already discussed. Maybe I ought to buy that sunhat after all...
Hats are fun. [pause. eyebrow raises.] Wait. You talk about me that much? How do you even manage that? Constant plotting against me is an inherent feature of the system.
I don't eat, drink, sleep, smoke, or wear ugly vacation clothing. What else am I supposed to do? The library is full of fiction, half of which is absolute garbage when run through the translator, there's a casino where the chips are freely given, and... what? A pool? A gym? A spa, with no attendants? I don't even have any muscles!
[He throws his hands up, exasperated.]
I wouldn't even complain if it weren't for all of the people constantly trying to find things to distract me from the mysteries and puzzles that are interesting! They can be distracted if they want, but I can't! So yes, maybe I do talk about you a lot. Sorry that you are, unfortunately for me and apparently everybody else, the most interesting thing aboard!
[He doesn't feel better but at least he's done shouting??? who needs a truth event when you've got no brain/mouth filter due to trauma?]
[He sort of expected to be completely tuned out, so the question comes as something of a surprise.]
I... don't have any particular problem with it. I would just like to be able to learn about some of the other realities people come from without having to... [talk to them] Ask questions blindly. The number of times I've had to ask people to clarify simple magical vocabulary... [UGH] It is truly annoying.
You'll have no argument from me there. [He thinks fiction is more interesting when you have the real-world context to go with it, but that would be arguing, so he keeps it to himself.]
Fairly fast. [When your mortal BFF is/was an author prone to pushing deadlines, you learn how to cram a couple of novels in one night.] Admittedly, I haven't tested my speed-reading comprehension since all the torture happened...
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Oh.
[Oh, this is even worse than with Valkyrie. At least with her, she had been saving him from the eldritch creatures responsible for his current unsteadiness. It had been a whole dramatic thing. This -- this is just... embarrassing.
And then, the wink.]
.....OH.
[Oh my God. Are you joking. Is that why Stede thought -- and that's why he said all of that???]
...NNnnnno. We haven't. I'll... let you know if he pops out.
[You can almost hear his teeth grinding. Almost.]
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He'll just ask Skulduggery about it later]
Well, you gentleman have a nice rest of your day.
[if you know what he means. Then with a pat to Skulduggery's arm he is on his way back down the deck]
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You absolute bastard.
[He'll agree that the bit is hilarious later. But that had been mortifying! Honestly and truly humiliating.]
Tell me, did you know what would happen to me?
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[... wait.]
Oh, you meant... Yes, mostly. In a general sense. [like idk someone who read a wiki page or something.] I generally only tell people their future timelines when I'm quite upset with them.
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You could have warned me about what the other side of that portal was going to be like.
[Ahhhh, damn, too late. He's already in the pit of despair.]
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[welcome home.]
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[Would have what?
...]
No. You're right. Of course. [He nods, shoving his hands back in his pockets.] Even if I had taken it to heart, it wouldn't have affected anything in the timeline. I didn't remember anything that happened here. Thankfully. Can you imagine, me conjuring you up to keep me comforted during the non-stop torture? That would have been embarrassing.
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I wouldn't have been very good at it. I would've just been giving tips.
[like an umarell of torture.]
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...What now? I can't trust -- hmmm. Damn it. [He taps the captain's knee with his foot. Good, still actually there.] I can't possibly trust you not to take advantage of this new state of mine. [He fully expects to feel more spectral eyes on him in the coming days, enough to trigger another paranoid fit. That's to say nothing of the captain's ability to shapeshift and remain largely undetected. None of that is ideal, to say the least.]
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I won't be any fun to play with if I become a driveling lunatic. That much I know for certain.
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So, you know. Cold comfort that it is.
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[Alright. That's fine. No different from Serpine, in the end. And Serpine, bless his heart, had only been Skulduggery's first brush with torture and madness. The Faceless Ones were much better teachers. Serpine had thought he'd found Skulduggery's limits, but no -- it was the gods that did that. And the captain is no god.]
Well. It will be too bad for you when I finally succumb to the madness. Not many people here seem interested in helping with your research, while I have found myself chastised twice for obsessing over you. [He mirrors the "what can you do" attitude in his voice; he's clearly more resigned to the situation than he is trying to make an appeal on his behalf. In the end, nobody can tell the captain what to do. ...Right?]
Ah, well. Can't be controlled, as we've already discussed. Maybe I ought to buy that sunhat after all...
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[He throws his hands up, exasperated.]
I wouldn't even complain if it weren't for all of the people constantly trying to find things to distract me from the mysteries and puzzles that are interesting! They can be distracted if they want, but I can't! So yes, maybe I do talk about you a lot. Sorry that you are, unfortunately for me and apparently everybody else, the most interesting thing aboard!
[He doesn't feel better but at least he's done shouting???
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... What's wrong with fiction?
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I... don't have any particular problem with it. I would just like to be able to learn about some of the other realities people come from without having to... [talk to them] Ask questions blindly. The number of times I've had to ask people to clarify simple magical vocabulary... [UGH] It is truly annoying.
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[short pause]
How fast of a reader are you?
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Fairly fast. [When your mortal BFF is/was an author prone to pushing deadlines, you learn how to cram a couple of novels in one night.] Admittedly, I haven't tested my speed-reading comprehension since all the torture happened...
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But if that's not the case, then... What's the game?
[This is totally a good idea!]
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