You have no... [a dry laugh] Entire kingdoms were worth less than that single piece of paper. Thousands, millions of lives weighed nothing against it. And for all my power, for all my work, the only thing that truly ever keeps me safe is the vanishingly small occurrence of human ignorance.
[ Skulduggery was wrong about the value of the signature then, of course. He would've agreed to it. He would've. Darcy hopes to God she hasn't just made a mistake. ]
That's a funny way to say 'someone actively working against her self interest and common sense to fix an unforced error you made'.
[another slow breath, and he leans his head back against the wall.]
It's in my nature. Or so I've read, in all the old legends. An inevitable ending, for all you try to twist the path... You change the way you're facing, but never the direction. Not really. Not in any way that matters.
[ Darcy looks at him, actually regarding him for a moment in a way she usually doesn't, trying to see past her gut reaction of wanting so badly to punch him in the face. ]
Sounds like some bullshit.
[ She leans her head against the wall, ] better to go down swinging than to sit there and let other people tell you who you are, I think, even if it doesn't change anything. Fuck the old legends and the assholes who wrote them.
All we are is what we are perceived to be. Reflected in the eyes of others. [he begins picking at the cuff of his sleeve.] How can we be any more or less? We can claim to be whatever we like, but if no one else agrees, how can it be true.
-what you're perceived to be- [ Darcy says in unison with him, rolling her eyes. ]
Who perceived you into looking like an undertaker who teaches kids about death on sesame street, ehn? Who perceived Skulduggery into dating you when all you did those first couple of months was try and make us hate you? Who?
quietly:] For the longest time, I was sure it was that paper. And this is the first moment when I've been able to be completely confident that it isn't. And that it never was.
[ A 'hmf', like she thinks the idea it was Stede's doing is laughable. Because it is. ]
It wasn't anything I was doing while I had it. It was all you. I can't understand why you act like you want other people to tell you who you are, and then just ignore them and do what you want anyway.
Most people have less weird habits than 'blaming other people for you personally deciding to be a dick'. I feel like smoking's a better habit than that.
Hm, yes. Instead, I should decide that every single thing that occurs is cosmic punishment for something that I have personally done. Though, I am afraid I've never met a person who made hair shirts look good.
I don't need to know how to play piano to know when one's out of tune, [ thanks for relaying that one, Vance. ]
I don't know, I'm just saying that between the two of us, one person put Skulduggery's fate in the hands of Nobunaga and the rest of those idiots and one of us. Didn't do that? Maybe never taking responsibility for anything in your life isn't working out so great for you?
[a mild noise] You're really all remarkably ungrateful that you are still alive. I don't think you fully grasp how much easier the alternative would have been.
And he wasn't miserable when you dragged him through the trial? Maybe you missed this in the thousands of years you haven't given a shit about anything, but when you care about someone, it's your job to keep them fucking safe. And you didn't.
Okay sure- both of us failed him, now what? You got your dig in, now what? Make you feel any better about being a chickenshit coward who couldn't do one single fucking thing to keep his boyfriend safe? I'm not the one who controls who lives or dies here.
I heartily apologize for being entirely unwilling to risk permanently killing the only person I love in order to spare the lives of some hideous little bastards. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.
So you chose to gamble instead, giving yourself the wonderful options of 'having to do it anyway' or 'watching him get fucked over by the rest of those bastards, knowing what will happen and how it will hurt him and choosing to do nothing about it'. Mea culpa, I totally didn't see how you're in the right here.
... You do realize I wasn't going to do it if you all didn't vote for it. That if that had happened, I wouldn't have destroyed Vile. I would have let what was going to happen, happen.
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quietly, as if more to himself than her:] You would have never done that if you truly understood what it was worth...
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And I burned it anyway.
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That's a funny way to say 'someone actively working against her self interest and common sense to fix an unforced error you made'.
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[another slow breath, and he leans his head back against the wall.]
It's in my nature. Or so I've read, in all the old legends. An inevitable ending, for all you try to twist the path... You change the way you're facing, but never the direction. Not really. Not in any way that matters.
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Sounds like some bullshit.
[ She leans her head against the wall, ] better to go down swinging than to sit there and let other people tell you who you are, I think, even if it doesn't change anything. Fuck the old legends and the assholes who wrote them.
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Who perceived you into looking like an undertaker who teaches kids about death on sesame street, ehn? Who perceived Skulduggery into dating you when all you did those first couple of months was try and make us hate you? Who?
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quietly:] For the longest time, I was sure it was that paper. And this is the first moment when I've been able to be completely confident that it isn't. And that it never was.
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It wasn't anything I was doing while I had it. It was all you. I can't understand why you act like you want other people to tell you who you are, and then just ignore them and do what you want anyway.
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Habit, I suppose. They are rather hard to break after the first few thousand years.
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I don't know, I'm just saying that between the two of us, one person put Skulduggery's fate in the hands of Nobunaga and the rest of those idiots and one of us. Didn't do that? Maybe never taking responsibility for anything in your life isn't working out so great for you?
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[a mild noise] You're really all remarkably ungrateful that you are still alive. I don't think you fully grasp how much easier the alternative would have been.
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Because Skulduggery would have been miserable.
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... I believe you stopped talking about me at some point, there.
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tw: suicidal ideation
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