[Oh! Oh, this is worse than he ever could have imagined!]
So -- you mean to say that I'm not the same version of myself who was here yesterday? Is it... no. No. I need you to explain it. I can't do it. You need to.
The same! The -- the same me that first got taken aboard! The one that went to and came back from your stupid camping trip! Physically and spiritually and --
["Not mentally, surely," would be just the sort of thing China would say, were she here. But, he firmly ignores it, and she certainly doesn't speak up again.]
It's really more of a gain, than anything else. For the you that's here, at least. And at least neutral for the general yous. Probably. I'm almost certain on that.
Can you really tell the difference? [peers up curiously] Most don't, unless it's something terribly dramatic, like a lost limb... But, I suppose that is what that is, so it does make sense...
[It's always "research this, research that," but Skulduggery has never once actually heard him say what he's researching, exactly. Normally he would extrapolate, but his mind is currently trying to compartmentalize eleven months of eldritch torture into a box labeled "another Skulduggery's problem," so he's a little distracted right now.]
I've tested the ascension rituals of thousands of realities, but not a single one fits my purpose. I've compared myself to the species and entities of thousands more, but not a single one fits.
[and there's a genuine spark of frustration, a hard edge to the even tone, even as he twists the leaf in his fingers into strips and pieces.]
I have two questions to answer. What am I? And what can I do, as what I am, so that no one is ever able to give me an order ever again. Those answers exist, and I'll burn through every soul alive if it gets me even one step closer.
[It's more information than he's ever given out before. Maybe it's the madness talking, but Skulduggery is inclined to take his words at face value. The question of what the captain is is already one that's been posed, but the rest...]
Who could possibly order you around? [You're a stubborn bastard, is what he means.]
You just said, one of your questions is "What can I do so nobody is able to give me an order ever again." I'm asking who would give you an order to begin with.
["But you haven't been normal ever since the Faceless Ones used you for hunting practice." And the fact that he can hear that tells him all he needs to know about his own status as an unreliable narrator.]
But now, maybe not. I, mmm... [...can't tell him. Not a good idea.] Maybe I was mistaken.
[He doesn't like this. He doesn't like being unable to trust himself, feeling uneasy at the first sign of resistance to what he thinks is real. And to have it happen with someone he already only tenuously trusts to remain truth-adjacent...]
I can't either. You don't strike me as the type to be controlled. ...The other part, the bit about ascension rituals and trying to solve what you are -- you said that, didn't you?
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So -- you mean to say that I'm not the same version of myself who was here yesterday? Is it... no. No. I need you to explain it. I can't do it. You need to.
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["Not mentally, surely," would be just the sort of thing China would say, were she here. But, he firmly ignores it, and she certainly doesn't speak up again.]
-- Just how much of me did you lose?
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When you say general yous -- do you mean me from different moments on the timeline? The versions of me... not stuck on the ship?
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What am I, then, if not one of myselves from the timeline?
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...And the skull? How did the physical change work?
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Of course, I can tell the difference. It's my skull. Answer the question.
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[It's always "research this, research that," but Skulduggery has never once actually heard him say what he's researching, exactly. Normally he would extrapolate, but his mind is currently trying to compartmentalize eleven months of eldritch torture into a box labeled "another Skulduggery's problem," so he's a little distracted right now.]
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[and there's a genuine spark of frustration, a hard edge to the even tone, even as he twists the leaf in his fingers into strips and pieces.]
I have two questions to answer. What am I? And what can I do, as what I am, so that no one is ever able to give me an order ever again. Those answers exist, and I'll burn through every soul alive if it gets me even one step closer.
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Who could possibly order you around? [You're a stubborn bastard, is what he means.]
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What?
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["But you haven't been normal ever since the Faceless Ones used you for hunting practice." And the fact that he can hear that tells him all he needs to know about his own status as an unreliable narrator.]
But now, maybe not. I, mmm... [...can't tell him. Not a good idea.] Maybe I was mistaken.
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[shrugs]
Weird.
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I can't either. You don't strike me as the type to be controlled. ...The other part, the bit about ascension rituals and trying to solve what you are -- you said that, didn't you?
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[frowns]
Whatever could control me... or whatever I am...
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