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THE CAPTAIN:


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PIRATE JENNY GUABANCEX JENNY:

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[decohere]

Where the ghosts go. When they're... no longer people anymore.

That's how they describe it. Nothing.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

... Where else are the dead of this realm meant to go? I hardly control that part.

[decohere]

I... I don't know. I... Thought because you were creator here. You could offer something more peaceful. For those that served out their use to you.

They were scared to go back. And those that returned from it...

[sictransitgloriamundi]

Everyone's scared to die. That's hardly new information. And why would I waste my time even thinking about anyone that isn't of use to me in the first place.

[decohere]

[it hits her as hard as being called useless by Clarke. it's a reminder that SHIELD was ready to do the same. use her until she became nothing. Ava shakes her head, not quite ready to give up.]

Even in death, people want to matter, and no matter how many times I'm told to just... forget, I can't. Our value is more than what use we serve, we're more than resources to exploit. We don't have to repeat the mistakes of all the worlds you pulled us from. All those worlds fail for a reason.

You were worth more, and so was I, despite what anyone tried to reduce us to. And that's why I want to help you, it's why I view you as more than the monster the rest of them see. Why I keep your secrets, and have no desire to control nor manipulate you... or threaten such. Because I care, and I worry. I know last month you felt... hopeless, and I know how consuming that self-defeat can be.

But you're not alone and things can be different, if we allow new approaches. I don't want you to give up, not on yourself or what you've created here. And even if the answer is no, if there's truly no solution... I still believe it's worth considering.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[he grows silent and sullen as she speaks, focusing his attention entirely on fiddling with the cuff of his jacket. when she stops, he doesn't look up from it.]

What do you think should happen, when you die.

[decohere]

[this isn't an outright rejection, and she glances up and away again, not wanting to stare him down. not wanting to come off demanding, or that she's putting him on the spot with her request.]

I don't know, religion always promises so much and I've never believed it was meant for me. But all I want is a sense of peace? I... can't pretend to have any of the answers. Just knowing what I do. That I'm terrified of how it is now.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I don't think anything happens.

[beat]

So, nothing does.

[decohere]

But what if we think of something else to believe? Would that threaten how this reality functions? I know you said you weren't interested in the other responsibilities of being a God. But I think having a solid foundation to build upon is the first step toward it.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I can't just change what I believe. It would know better.

[he says, like that's obvious.]

[decohere]

... is it because you can't picture something better, or you don't want to? Because I think if you're at least open to the idea. Maybe you can. If it's something worth believing in.

And I believe in you.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

You shouldn't. [just as sort of. general advice.]

[decohere]

[shrugs]

What would you suggest I believe in instead? Awaiting my turn for Nothing? The impossibility of going back to a place I hated anyway? Defeating you and ending this existence? I have no interest in any of that.

Besides. I'm supporting Skulduggery in his pursuits.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

... What's that supposed to mean...

[man his sleeve is just so fucking interesting it is occupying 150% of his attention--]

[decohere]

I think it means if I had a shovel, I'm supposed to bring it to talk with you. But I don't so we can just pretend I did, for the sake of his honor. [giggle]

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[just

immediately looks up at her with an expression of complete incomprehension. and yes maybe that fully gives away that he's been blushing but what the FUCK does that even mean.]

[decohere]

[omg, fingertips over her mouth, trying to hide a grin at how absolutely cute this is and that she was RIGHT the Captain is SHY.]

Ah. It's my understanding. That's the obligation of a best friend. When one enters into... you know, a new relationship. I'm not sure what it entails other than a shovel and talking.

... Skulduggery is probably threatening Peter with a skull bashing right this moment, I bet. [fondly, of them both]

[sictransitgloriamundi]

... Ah.

[absolutely the most fascinating sleeve that has ever existed let us return all attention to that right now and nothing else.]

[decohere]

He's really cute, right? [lays back on the floor and stares up at the ceiling]

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[...

...

...]

Mhhm...

[decohere]

I kinda suspected he had a crush. Because he'd talk about you aaaaaaall the time.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

[visibly dying inside to the point where he has just straight up forgotten he can literally disappear at any time.]

[decohere]

[peeks over and frowns, rolling onto her stomach and propping her chin against her fist]

Oh. Oh, sorry. I promise he didn't share any details. I... just thought you might like somebody to talk about it. But we can change the subject.

[sictransitgloriamundi]

I--

[his voice cracks on the word. he's silent for a moment, waving a hand vaguely.]

I wouldn't even know how to even begin talking about... such things...

[decohere]

[will not recommend talking to Sharky, especially since the poor guy is really going Through It right now]

It's... new to me. Never really went through that stage, growing up, nobody ever talked to me about it. Didn't think anyone would ever see me that way, be able to look past my... condition, even if I could meet anyone. Hard when they label your existence top secret. Never thought even if I'd somehow trust anyone enough to touch me, that it would feel good, when I was so used to everything just... hurting.

A lot of it's still really confusing and I am really worried about messing up, or... having him realize how messed up I actually am. But talking about it's helped. Figure out how I feel and what I want and... make it less scary.