Yet in the end they still wanted to save one another. It's a bit sweet, if not for the whole stealing Fio away. [actually still pretty upset about that bit]
[just stares down at her fingers, pokepoking them together because the more she thinks over the question the more stupid it feels and Skulduggery was wrong she really shouldn't be the one asking this.
silent for a few moments longer, her mind blank on providing any other question to back out of this, to pivot the conversation a safer direction. but this isn't about her. it's about the ghosts. and after that massacre of a party who else is going to bother speaking on their behalf?]
Everyone's scared to die. That's hardly new information. And why would I waste my time even thinking about anyone that isn't of use to me in the first place.
[it hits her as hard as being called useless by Clarke. it's a reminder that SHIELD was ready to do the same. use her until she became nothing. Ava shakes her head, not quite ready to give up.]
Even in death, people want to matter, and no matter how many times I'm told to just... forget, I can't. Our value is more than what use we serve, we're more than resources to exploit. We don't have to repeat the mistakes of all the worlds you pulled us from. All those worlds fail for a reason.
You were worth more, and so was I, despite what anyone tried to reduce us to. And that's why I want to help you, it's why I view you as more than the monster the rest of them see. Why I keep your secrets, and have no desire to control nor manipulate you... or threaten such. Because I care, and I worry. I know last month you felt... hopeless, and I know how consuming that self-defeat can be.
But you're not alone and things can be different, if we allow new approaches. I don't want you to give up, not on yourself or what you've created here. And even if the answer is no, if there's truly no solution... I still believe it's worth considering.
[he grows silent and sullen as she speaks, focusing his attention entirely on fiddling with the cuff of his jacket. when she stops, he doesn't look up from it.]
[this isn't an outright rejection, and she glances up and away again, not wanting to stare him down. not wanting to come off demanding, or that she's putting him on the spot with her request.]
I don't know, religion always promises so much and I've never believed it was meant for me. But all I want is a sense of peace? I... can't pretend to have any of the answers. Just knowing what I do. That I'm terrified of how it is now.
But what if we think of something else to believe? Would that threaten how this reality functions? I know you said you weren't interested in the other responsibilities of being a God. But I think having a solid foundation to build upon is the first step toward it.
... is it because you can't picture something better, or you don't want to? Because I think if you're at least open to the idea. Maybe you can. If it's something worth believing in.
What would you suggest I believe in instead? Awaiting my turn for Nothing? The impossibility of going back to a place I hated anyway? Defeating you and ending this existence? I have no interest in any of that.
Besides. I'm supporting Skulduggery in his pursuits.
I think it means if I had a shovel, I'm supposed to bring it to talk with you. But I don't so we can just pretend I did, for the sake of his honor. [giggle]
immediately looks up at her with an expression of complete incomprehension. and yes maybe that fully gives away that he's been blushing but what the FUCK does that even mean.]
[omg, fingertips over her mouth, trying to hide a grin at how absolutely cute this is and that she was RIGHT the Captain is SHY.]
Ah. It's my understanding. That's the obligation of a best friend. When one enters into... you know, a new relationship. I'm not sure what it entails other than a shovel and talking.
... Skulduggery is probably threatening Peter with a skull bashing right this moment, I bet. [fondly, of them both]
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[and maybe, for once, he's including himself as people.]
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But can I ask you something?
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silent for a few moments longer, her mind blank on providing any other question to back out of this, to pivot the conversation a safer direction. but this isn't about her. it's about the ghosts. and after that massacre of a party who else is going to bother speaking on their behalf?]
Does there really have to be Nothing. At the end?
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At the end of what?
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That's how they describe it. Nothing.
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They were scared to go back. And those that returned from it...
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Even in death, people want to matter, and no matter how many times I'm told to just... forget, I can't. Our value is more than what use we serve, we're more than resources to exploit. We don't have to repeat the mistakes of all the worlds you pulled us from. All those worlds fail for a reason.
You were worth more, and so was I, despite what anyone tried to reduce us to. And that's why I want to help you, it's why I view you as more than the monster the rest of them see. Why I keep your secrets, and have no desire to control nor manipulate you... or threaten such. Because I care, and I worry. I know last month you felt... hopeless, and I know how consuming that self-defeat can be.
But you're not alone and things can be different, if we allow new approaches. I don't want you to give up, not on yourself or what you've created here. And even if the answer is no, if there's truly no solution... I still believe it's worth considering.
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What do you think should happen, when you die.
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I don't know, religion always promises so much and I've never believed it was meant for me. But all I want is a sense of peace? I... can't pretend to have any of the answers. Just knowing what I do. That I'm terrified of how it is now.
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[beat]
So, nothing does.
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[he says, like that's obvious.]
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And I believe in you.
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What would you suggest I believe in instead? Awaiting my turn for Nothing? The impossibility of going back to a place I hated anyway? Defeating you and ending this existence? I have no interest in any of that.
Besides. I'm supporting Skulduggery in his pursuits.
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[man his sleeve is just so fucking interesting it is occupying 150% of his attention--]
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immediately looks up at her with an expression of complete incomprehension. and yes maybe that fully gives away that he's been blushing but what the FUCK does that even mean.]
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Ah. It's my understanding. That's the obligation of a best friend. When one enters into... you know, a new relationship. I'm not sure what it entails other than a shovel and talking.
... Skulduggery is probably threatening Peter with a skull bashing right this moment, I bet. [fondly, of them both]
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[absolutely the most fascinating sleeve that has ever existed let us return all attention to that right now and nothing else.]
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